This thing IS on.

It's been quite a hiatus.

I thought I realized something the other day--I thought I realized that I don't need this blog anymore. This morning, though, I realized I do need it.

My average day now:

9:00 am Wake up. (7, if ich habe angst)

9:15 am Eat something. Begin the digestion process.

10:00 am Work out.

11:30 am Take laptop to Cocoa Bar. Drink dangerously potent coffee. Work on Full Length Play (The first scene is being read by my theatre company on the 10th. It's pretty hot, actually. If you can make it, lemme know.)

1:30 pm Leave for work.

5:30 pm Arrive home. Do whatever.

It's been almost two months since I left the law firm, and I'm not dead. Sometimes my paychecks suggest otherwise, but really, I'm doing okay. I'm facilitating after school clubs in the arts, and after a really thorough few weeks of training, I can honestly say not of a lot of it prepared me for my actual job. Nowadays, 50% of the time I feel like I suck as a human being, and the other half is divided somewhere between "Hey, I'm really starting to get the hang of this!" and "What in God's name do I think I'm doing here?"

I'm going to be really honest here: I'm a nervous wreck. I'm constantly trying to figure out how to win the trust of my students. These kids really have no reason to trust adults at the end of the day after the verbal abuse they receive from disgusting faculty members during the regular classes. I'm also worried about money. Constantly. I'm worried about how to make ends meet on the breaks. I'm worried that working 5 afternoons a week isn't enough. I'm worried that the people I work with will realize they made a mistake and fire me. The inconsistancy of it all is totally overwhelming, and I have never had to struggle quite like this in so many different ways.

Then I think of the blessings. I'm not at a desk anymore. Teaching is inherently creative, and has already made me a better writer, actor, and possibly director. I have time to write, and I've integrated it into my daily life. My job has gotten me cheap health insurance. The time that I've "freed up" in the last two months almost always gets filled up with something creative. (In a scheduling meeting last week, I actually said, "I don't think I can do another creative thing next week.")

It's a strange thing when people ask how you're doing after such a shift. I've noticed that I want to keep up a positive front. I want to prove to them that my life has improved tenfold since ditching my secure job, so I don't share with them any of my new challenges--the drawbacks to leaving the corporate breast. The truth of the matter is that no matter how challenging my life is right now, the most important part is that it's challenging. I'm awake, alert, and receptive to the energies that bounce around me.

So that's the update. That's how I'm doing. Mostly good. Pretty stressed. Definitely happier.

Expect more now that I'm on the other side of things.