I don't even think I have to editorialize this all that much, but I'll set it up for you.

Two years ago, the firm ordered a new Starbucks instant coffee maker. It is similar to the Flavia machines, in that it makes your coffee in less than a minute, but the blessed key difference is that it freshly-grinds the amount of beans needed for each individual cup of coffee. You simply pick the kind of beverage you would like (caf/decaf/half-caf/hot chocolate) and the size (tall/grande/coffee pot). It also introduced to us the grande wax paper cup---a luxury which we have grown very attached to. Recently, we, the worker bees, have noticed the disappearance of the grande cups and a number of complaints were sent to the guy in charge of ordering supplies. This was sent to the receptionists and butlers. (Yes. We have butlers.) He didn't even have the guts to send it to the NYALL distribution list.

To: NYButlers; NYRecep
Subject: Large Coffee Cups & Large Starbuck Option

Below is my "official" response for now in the event you want to forward on to anyone who inquires in my absence. Thanks.

In recent months we were asked to cut some costs in our coffee pantries. We worked closely with our coffee vendor to make some adjustments while being very careful not to change or take away too much that we've been come accustomed to. In addition to some behind the scenes savings on our rental equipment and brand changes on some pantry items, we've disengaged the large option on the Starbuck machine which eliminated the need for the over priced large 12 oz. coffee cup. Surprisingly enough these two adjustments alone save the Firm* a significant amount of money annually while we address the safety and service issues that go along with the change. I'm personally going to miss the large coffee option myself and would suggest going to a smaller cup or personal mug size while we monitor reaction this month. If it's just the large cup you're looking for, I would suggest, as I have for others, bringing in or purchasing a large plastic cup you're comfortable carrying from the pantry to your desk. As a reminder our Butler staff run the dishwashers in every pantry every night in the event you would like it washed when you leave for the day. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know. Thanks.

Joe X


I'm going to write an office musical called "Common Sense" and there's going to be a dream ballet between a grande paper cup and the character based on this guy. It will be raining pennies. If anyone would like to executive produce you can contact me via email, snail mail, phone, or by dry erase board. You may also verbally communicate with me face to face by opening your mouth and making sounds that form words. Or by American Sign Language. I will then respond to you in the same manner.
Keep breathing in and out.

Jenks, the person who wrote this blog entry.

*Note: "Firm" is capitalized like "God."